I drove several hours back home on this rainy, dark, and gloomy Sunday. My thoughts certainly were bouncing all over the place. As usual, my thoughts centered on my precious little 18 pound passenger quietly sleeping in the back seat.
His next court date is 23 days away. I have a good idea of what will happen. However, the court system is often like the wind-swift and unpredictably changing. Little man has been extremely lucky with a great worker, a fantastic CASA, a hard working guardian ad-litem, and a judge that is known for being honest and fair.
I think it goes without saying that we are both totally and absolutely in love with him. He brings so much joy to our lives. I love his snuggles and giggles. It makes my heart so incredibly happy when I see Ryan playing with him or giving smooches. I say this knowing the risk. I know it can change in an instant, but I love them both so much it hurts. I catch myself snuggling a few extra minutes in the morning. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to get another glimpse of him. When I am not with him, I want to be. I feel confident that Ryan feels the same way.
I am sure this is the line that shouldn’t be crossed in foster care. As I have said before, we live in a very complicated and difficult world. I am fully aware there is still the possibility that he will not always be with us. That is constantly in the back of my mind. That is the life we willingly live. However, at the same time, I find myself wanting to hope and plan for the future.
23 days. Then, whatever happens, another wait will commence. While our reality is very present even in our daily lives, nothing will ever change how much I love this little man. Of course I want him within arms reach forever, all I have guaranteed is today. So, I will make today worth it for him and Ryan.
Sunday thoughts. Not earth shaking, just my I80 thoughts. My little man is so incredibly loved.
Kourt
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