I do foster care for the money

I was in a store today shopping in the kids section. It was the middle of the day, so there were not many other people around. I was looking around and two women came up and how they were talking I would assume they were at least related. In this particular store, there is a shelf that has a few onesies with unique sayings on them. The younger women asked the older one about a certain shirt. She asked the older women, “who would ever need to put that on a kid...like for what reason.” The older one replied maybe for an almost adopted child and she also suggested a foster child. The younger women replied, “Oh, I guess that makes sense. What is the point of foster care anyway. Don’t you think that people just foster for the money?”

I had to swallow my fighting words, take a deep breath, channel Jesus, and walk away. I don’t know this women’s story or why she would feel this way. That is irrelevant. The words are a common sentiment foster parents hear about often. On the way home, I was reflecting my own experience on our families path of foster care and adoption.

It is true. We do receive a stipend every month per child. I won’t go into detail, because that is not the point I am trying to make. I will say that I keep very accurate records of what we spend and on what. If you break down the money we are given per child, we are making approximately 71 cents per child each hour. That does not even come close to defray even ¼ of the cost of raising a child. We knew the rules of the game before we started playing.

If I would have responded to that lady today, here is perhaps what I would have said.

Here are all the times that 71 cents was worth it:

• When the bedtime process takes over two hours because the kid has significant trauma that occurred at bedtime.
• When said child is terrified the monsters are going to find them and hurt them again.
• When I have to explain to a child why the won’t ever live with their bio parent again.
• When I have to explain to kids of other races what “gorilla” and “nigger” mean.
• When I have to try and explain to the child that I won’t ever hit them for the 1000th time.
• When I sit awake all night with a screaming infant or toddler because they miss their mom.
• When you have to explain to a child that their parent cancelled their visit…..again.
• When I am in public with kids of color and one the same as mine and a stranger congratulates me for “finally having one that looks like me”
• When bio parents complain that their kid had a knot in their hair one day last month or didn’t match correctly but are not concerned with the physical well-being of the child.
• When I get genuinely nervous when the almost two year old falls while playing outside, because accusations may come now.
• When I have to explain to a preschooler that their mom won’t be calling to say goodnight anymore.
• When I have to go to court and hear all the horrible things that have happened to the children in my home.
• When I have to be so thorough with documentation that it takes away from actually spending time with the child.
• When I have to bring a child in for a drug test.
• When I worry if the bio-family member is going to show up at daycare or my home.
• When I get messages from teenage bio family members about seeing the child.
• When my family is threatened by a stranger because I have a child that is related to them in my home.
• When I have to cancel plans or a trip because my kids can’t come.
• When I hear all the ways one of my kids have been hurt by previous caregivers.
• When I get that gut-wrenching feeling when they leave.
• When I lose friends because they don’t understand why my kids act the way they do.
• When I have to explain to my niece and nephew why they won’t see their friends again.
• The images I will never forget.
• The many many appointments.
• When someone asks you for the billionth time why you didn't try to have your own kids.
• When someone says that they hope you will be a mom someday.
• Running all over God’s creation and constantly being a step behind what I need to do.
• Answering the same conversations over and over.
• The sometimes daily tantrums.
• The stress. The stress. The stress.
• The heartache.
• Time spent away from my family.

So yes, we foster for the money.

Kourt