Two years ago, I moved myself and my two dogs 1,000 away from Nebraska to Louisiana. My grandmother had colangio carcinoma and had been given months to live. She wanted to stay home, but my family needed help caring for her. The decision to pick up and leave wasn’t easy, but I have never regretted it, not even for a minute. For the next four months, we did life together. While, I knew the whole time her death was coming, let’s face it. Death is always unexpected.
Watching a loved one die, absolutely sucks. (Thanks captain obvious.) I am absolutely honored to have been there in her final days and hours, but at the same time, I don’t wish anyone to have to go through that experience. There is one thing that is for certain. I am not the same person now as I was before, and witnessing death has taught me so much about life.
Life is the little things.
We spend most of our lives wishing for the next big thing. We often think that life is solely made up of those big things (such as graduation, marriage, babies, repeat). It seems that in every part of life there is the next “thing.” While the memories of the big things are special, what I miss most about my grandmother is the little things.
I miss waking up to the smell of sausage, eggs, and grits in her home. I miss her asking what I got from santa claus on Christmas day (even as an adult.) I miss her laugh, oh do I miss her laugh. These little things I once took for granted are the things that I miss the most.
There are a thousand little things in our every day that are remarkable and marvelous yet we look right past them. These little thing make up life. These little things are what we will miss the most. Life is the little things.
Tell people you love them. Love is everything.
My grandmother rarely left a conversation with anyone without her telling them she loved them. She always made sure people knew they were loved. In fact, I can still hear her say, “I love you kourt kourt..a whole bunch.”
It’s so cliche, but you never know what is going to happen. Even knowing my grandmother was dying I had no idea that morning would be the last. Even when the nurse told me she was “terminal” I still thought we had a few days. You just never know. Life changes in an instant. Never ever let people wonder how you feel about them.
I once heard that you never see a trailer attached to a hearse, and it’s true. Life is not measured by your wealth, knowledge, prestige, or anything else but love.
There is always a story to be told (or heard.)
My grandmother had a story for everything. I LOVED hearing her stories. I think that partially contributed to my own love of stories. Everyone has their own stories. We all have different strengths and have been through different things. Your own story shapes who you are and that is beautiful.
We can all learn from each other and piggyback off each other. That is what makes life together so incredible and amazing.
You can find real peace
I am 100% confident that my grandmother was not afraid to die. She wasn’t always excited about the process, but she wasn’t afraid. Honestly, that blew my mind. In the final weeks you could tell she knew she was saying goodbye to people for the final time. It was hard, yet she was at peace with what was going on.
The night she died, there were a few of us in the room with her. There was a few tears, but much more singing and laughter. It wasn’t spoken, but we all knew we were witnessing her final hours. There was a calmness and peace that she was going to heaven and we would all be okay.
Peace in Christ is a reality. It is sometimes unexplainable, but that is okay. No matter what happens in this life, the reality of the cross still exists. What Jesus accomplished still exists. (JESUS WINS!)
I am very thankful for the experiences in that time of my life. I will never forget the lessons I was taught even if they were painful at times. Above all else, life is painfully beautiful, and love with no hesitation.
Kourt
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